To My Girls, With Love

A Letter for my Daughters - By Laura

To My Sweet Daughters,

Last year, in an attempt to figure out how to mother my little girls who have suddenly become amazing grown women, I decided to read a book about parenting adult children (Doing Life with Your Adult Children: Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out). The book told me my job is now to love, listen, support, and NOT to offer a wealth of advice unless specifically asked for it! Ugh!

However, something about being diagnosed with brain cancer and facing my mortality makes me want to put everything I want to tell you in writing so you won’t forget. I wholeheartedly believe I’m going to be around long enough to still get on your nerves, offer plenty of unwanted advice, and generally annoy you occasionally, but when I’m gone someday (in the distant future), I want you to know how much I love each of you, how proud I am of you, and how uniquely talented each one of you are. I also want to record things I would have done differently, good advice I received that changed my life for the better, and what matters most to me.

I plan to think of everything I’ve ever wanted to ask my Mom since she passed away 12 years ago and tell you my answer. I want to write advice you may not want right now, but might want in the future. It’s easy to take for granted that someone will always be around. The funny thing is, none of us really know how long we have. That is why I’ve become so passionate about living each day to its fullest and not taking anyone or anything for granted.

So with that said, here is the first lesson I want to pass along to you.

A few years ago someone told me how she always tries to leave people and places better than she found them. She wipes down the sink in public bathrooms after washing her hands. She offers compliments to people who are complete strangers. When she borrows things, she tries to return them in better condition.

Her advice made a big impact on me! Since that day I’ve tried to go outside of my comfort zone and leave people and places better than I found them (it’s a work in progress). Leaving places better than I find them can be as simple as wiping down that countertop, replacing the toilet paper roll, or picking up a piece of trash on a walking trail. If you really want to go the extra mile, leave a business a great review, clean up someone else’s mess, or fix the airplane paper towel dispenser after it dispenses 349 paper towels at once.

Leaving people better than you found them is just fun! It might be as simple as smiling at someone, waving for someone to merge in front of you in traffic, complimenting the receptionist on her nails, or genuinely thanking your nurse for her exemplary care. If you want to go above and beyond, extend patience, grace, and forgiveness to a person who has let you down (don’t we hope others will do that for us?!).

This practice of leaving people and places better than we found them is simply trying to be more like the Savior.

34 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

35 By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another. (John 13:34-35)

Love,

Mama

P.S. Before my cancer diagnosis, I decided to start collecting advice for my daughters on a dedicated Instagram Account. I named it Tomygirls.withlove. When I got sick, I asked Emily to use it to tell my cancer story. (And changed the name to @2mygirls.withlove after being asked “Who’s Tomy?” a few times. ;)